Jen’s Dance

This post is a rambling of my heart and hand. Though I am loved, I sometimes feel unlovely or unloved. I know what is true. I have family and friends and a God who loves me, and nothing I can do will change that. So this is the confession of a girl is search of right answers. Knowing that wisdom comes from God, I ask it from him concerning these things.

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Friends. For awhile I seem to have them, and then I don’t. I must say that I don’t have a “bosom friend” as Anne would say it. Somebody who hears all my thoughts and finishes my sentences just hasn’t consistently been apart of my life.

Am I weird? Is this true of most people? I love being near people, and I love spending time with people. But maybe I am not diligent enough at the effort? But even when I do try hard, it seems my friend is gone before I have them.

A friend of mine wrote a beautiful note about how wonderful friends are and how they bless your life. I couldn’t agree more. I fondly remember the times I spent when I was younger with my friends—even the sad times. For some time now, however, I feel I have been tossed about. I don’t consider most of my current friends, people I would confide in. Though some of us have grown closer, even in the past few months, I don’t see any real attachments. That is what scares me. I love my friends. I want to keep them. I just need to learn how.

Where to start? I am wondering who to trust, who to lean on, and who to love. I think I pick my friends wisely, but which of those people can I fully trust? Mistakes are made, feelings are hurt, and forgiveness takes place. So I am not assuming that my friends will be perfect. But who should I pick? Have I found that person yet?

I am currently the only single lady in my church at this age. I am currently the only single in my church at this age. Not, of course, to say that my married friends aren’t the same, because they are. They just have another. But this also is difficult in that I am a “lone reed” of sorts.

I don’t hear from my friends too often either. Does that mean that I should contact them more? What you reap is what you sow? I know that I need to stay connected and do my part, but I just don’t know what my part is. It seems, more often than not, that the more I try the more I push people away. Maybe this isn’t true, but it does seem that way. Trying too hard maybe? I just don’t understand, so it is easier to let it go and let them have you on their own terms.

I don’t have a degree in psychology or in human behavior, though sometimes I wish I did. I feel I would be able to understand people and the way they behave, including myself. But for now, I strive on in my duties. I work, eat, sleep. I strive to become a godly woman and hopefully someday a godly wife.

I hope and pray that my life would be about serving my savior.

“I will put my trust in him.” Hebrews 2:13.

A great article by Carolyn McCulley:
Though it was an unusual question, I understood it immediately: “How does a woman appropriately, biblically, humbly, and submissively go about ‘cracking the twigs and stirring the leaves?’ A friend of mine said that it seems like girls end up ‘breaking logs and throwing leaves’ too vigorously at times.” more…

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Proverbs 31:10-31

0 [4] An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself [5] with strength
and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet. [6]
22 She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.