Jen’s Dance

Proverbs 18:24
A man of many companions may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 27:9-10
Oil and perfume make the heart glad,
and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.
Do not forsake your friend and your father’s friend,
and do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity.
Better is a neighbor who is near
than a brother who is far away.

Blessed is a friendship that is based on the solid foundation of Christ. There is a security and trust that is welcomed by many and given by few. We all too often confide in a friend and have them in turn share it with their friends. I am to blame as well. For when I hear something, I sometimes think about who I should tell. Though this isn’t usually my habit, I am thankful that God has spared me from much of this as I strive to push through and overcome this temptation. I only have about 2 people with whom I would share everything with, and in turn never share what they tell me. However, I am quick to trust people which can quickly lead me to my own suffering if they should betray my trust.

God has some ideas about friends and neighbors that are important to remember. His Word comments sometimes about family and neighbors and when they are important. If you are in dire need and your neighbor is available to you but your brother is far away, don’t call your brother. Your neighbor is there for you, as you should be there for your neighbor. When times are tough and you need a helping hand, don’t burden people who can’t help you from a distance, but rather seek those who are near that are able to help you.

But many friends are with the rich and the poor man is deserted by his friend. (Prov. 19:4)   What hard words these are to understand. So many things are said about being poor and rich in the Bible. It is hard to understand why being poor is better than being rich when this world is so demanding of us. There are so many things to buy, to take care of, and then to replace with something better. But being poor also provides freedom. I remember being poor in college. When I didn’t have the money to buy anything, there was great freedom in not having the responsibility of what or when to buy things. What I didn’t have didn’t need worrying about. Though, I do remember times when I wanted things but couldn’t have them. I was not content with being without. I am that way still.

I don’t understand how to be a friend. I have a few friends, but I don’t really know what it takes to stand with my brother or sister in Christ and face persecution. I don’t know what it is like to grieve the loss of a very close friend. Though I am a friend I don’t feel  adequate. I pray to God that he will continue to teach me to be a friend. To be a friend and neighbor that will respond to needs. But here is some direction. Direction that He has graciously given us, that we might be Christ to each other.

Colossians 3:12-17
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

This post is a rambling of my heart and hand. Though I am loved, I sometimes feel unlovely or unloved. I know what is true. I have family and friends and a God who loves me, and nothing I can do will change that. So this is the confession of a girl is search of right answers. Knowing that wisdom comes from God, I ask it from him concerning these things.

__________

Friends. For awhile I seem to have them, and then I don’t. I must say that I don’t have a “bosom friend” as Anne would say it. Somebody who hears all my thoughts and finishes my sentences just hasn’t consistently been apart of my life.

Am I weird? Is this true of most people? I love being near people, and I love spending time with people. But maybe I am not diligent enough at the effort? But even when I do try hard, it seems my friend is gone before I have them.

A friend of mine wrote a beautiful note about how wonderful friends are and how they bless your life. I couldn’t agree more. I fondly remember the times I spent when I was younger with my friends—even the sad times. For some time now, however, I feel I have been tossed about. I don’t consider most of my current friends, people I would confide in. Though some of us have grown closer, even in the past few months, I don’t see any real attachments. That is what scares me. I love my friends. I want to keep them. I just need to learn how.

Where to start? I am wondering who to trust, who to lean on, and who to love. I think I pick my friends wisely, but which of those people can I fully trust? Mistakes are made, feelings are hurt, and forgiveness takes place. So I am not assuming that my friends will be perfect. But who should I pick? Have I found that person yet?

I am currently the only single lady in my church at this age. I am currently the only single in my church at this age. Not, of course, to say that my married friends aren’t the same, because they are. They just have another. But this also is difficult in that I am a “lone reed” of sorts.

I don’t hear from my friends too often either. Does that mean that I should contact them more? What you reap is what you sow? I know that I need to stay connected and do my part, but I just don’t know what my part is. It seems, more often than not, that the more I try the more I push people away. Maybe this isn’t true, but it does seem that way. Trying too hard maybe? I just don’t understand, so it is easier to let it go and let them have you on their own terms.

I don’t have a degree in psychology or in human behavior, though sometimes I wish I did. I feel I would be able to understand people and the way they behave, including myself. But for now, I strive on in my duties. I work, eat, sleep. I strive to become a godly woman and hopefully someday a godly wife.

I hope and pray that my life would be about serving my savior.

“I will put my trust in him.” Hebrews 2:13.