Singlehood & Friends jenny | 17 Aug 2007 05:47 pm
On Loneliness
This post is a rambling of my heart and hand. Though I am loved, I sometimes feel unlovely or unloved. I know what is true. I have family and friends and a God who loves me, and nothing I can do will change that. So this is the confession of a girl is search of right answers. Knowing that wisdom comes from God, I ask it from him concerning these things.
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Friends. For awhile I seem to have them, and then I don’t. I must say that I don’t have a “bosom friend” as Anne would say it. Somebody who hears all my thoughts and finishes my sentences just hasn’t consistently been apart of my life.
Am I weird? Is this true of most people? I love being near people, and I love spending time with people. But maybe I am not diligent enough at the effort? But even when I do try hard, it seems my friend is gone before I have them.
A friend of mine wrote a beautiful note about how wonderful friends are and how they bless your life. I couldn’t agree more. I fondly remember the times I spent when I was younger with my friends—even the sad times. For some time now, however, I feel I have been tossed about. I don’t consider most of my current friends, people I would confide in. Though some of us have grown closer, even in the past few months, I don’t see any real attachments. That is what scares me. I love my friends. I want to keep them. I just need to learn how.
Where to start? I am wondering who to trust, who to lean on, and who to love. I think I pick my friends wisely, but which of those people can I fully trust? Mistakes are made, feelings are hurt, and forgiveness takes place. So I am not assuming that my friends will be perfect. But who should I pick? Have I found that person yet?
I am currently the only single lady in my church at this age. I am currently the only single in my church at this age. Not, of course, to say that my married friends aren’t the same, because they are. They just have another. But this also is difficult in that I am a “lone reed” of sorts.
I don’t hear from my friends too often either. Does that mean that I should contact them more? What you reap is what you sow? I know that I need to stay connected and do my part, but I just don’t know what my part is. It seems, more often than not, that the more I try the more I push people away. Maybe this isn’t true, but it does seem that way. Trying too hard maybe? I just don’t understand, so it is easier to let it go and let them have you on their own terms.
I don’t have a degree in psychology or in human behavior, though sometimes I wish I did. I feel I would be able to understand people and the way they behave, including myself. But for now, I strive on in my duties. I work, eat, sleep. I strive to become a godly woman and hopefully someday a godly wife.
I hope and pray that my life would be about serving my savior.
“I will put my trust in him.” Hebrews 2:13.
on 06 Sep 2007 at 6:31 pm 1.Amy Keen said …
Jenny, let me just encourage you with this. Even though I am married, and have been for 8 years, I still have these times of lonliness. I go through times when I feel like no one really “gets me.” Whether you are married or not, lonliness can occur. Yes, yes, yes, PURSUE friendships! I will say that Heather really pursued me when I first came out here, and I am so glad she did. I was ready for a friend, but not so good (and still am not good) at taking the initiative in this way. She was, and I am so thankful for that. I don’t know what I would have done all this time without the one true friend that I can be real with. I needed her, and she pursued me just at the right time. It’s been fun sharing together. We both were at the same place in our lives then and still are now. So, I would say to pray for someone for you to seek out, as uncomfortable as it may be. Your best friend for life may be sitting home loney too, just wishing someone like you would call her! I will pray that you find each other soon…and when you do get married, you can still have her as your best girl friend! What a blessing!
Love,
Amy